Understanding the causes and effects of workplace stress is important to developing strategies for change. The critical component of any stress management program is the belief that alternatives exist. Feeling trapped and without choices, is perhaps the greatest stressor of all.
There are two ways to approach stress management in the workplace. You can reduce environmental stressors in the workplace and/or change your response to this stress. Discussing your concerns and suggestions with a supervisor often yields positive results.
My suggestions for change include:
- Be appropriately assertive and don’t feel guilty about setting boundaries and limits; say no when necessary.
- Recognize that stressful situations often result from someone else’s inefficiency and tendency to manage by reactive, crisis techniques rather than proactive postures.
- Personal problems can cause individuals to function in an unhealthy way. In these situations, recognize that you did not cause the problems and are not responsible for their consequences. Seek support from others in order to clarify your position and avoid being a scapegoat.
- Practice relaxation skills and avoid using unhealthy escape mechanisms such as alcohol or drugs. Exercise is an excellent way to deal with stress and the biochemical effects of tension and pressure. Take a brisk walk at lunch
By the time people seek marriage counseling, they usually arrive armed with an arsenal of complaints about their partners: “She isn’t affectionate enough,” “He’s so insensitive,” “She wants to control everything,” “He doesn’t listen to me,” “She’s never on time,” “He’s so tight with money.”
Therapists’ walls echo with accusations as people point fingers at one another in an attempt to explain what they see as the source of their own discontent.
False, harsh consolation
After a litany of blame, accusation and lamentation, clients are often “consoled” by their therapists with the harsh reality that, “You need to realize that there isn’t anything you can ever do to get your partner to change. People are who they are. You can’t teach an old dog new tricks, especially one that’s not interested in learning any, so you need to simply accept your spouse or else get out of the relationship.” There’s nothing you can do to change them!
But what people fail to realize, including many marriage counselors, is that we can change other people. In fact, we have the power to create dramatic and long-lasting changes in those around us. The secret lies in how we target our energy and efforts, because our
What to keep in mind when things heat up at the watercooler.
One of my best friends is a social worker at a community mental health center. She took the position immediately out of college, viewing it as a natural step in the development of her career.
Within the first month, she found herself working closely with a handsome speech pathologist who treated a number of her clients. Now, many case meetings and treatment-plan reviews later, they’re engaged.
Bet you’re not surprised—or shocked. Most people crave social interaction and companionship. What better place to find it than on the job? After all, office life is hospitable to the development of romance on many fronts. Daily interaction, a safe and generally dependable environment and common interests are all conditions that can ignite an initial spark between two people.
Casual interactions, from laughter over a cup of coffee or heated discussions in the conference room to mutual schmoozing at a trade show, can naturally evolve into attraction. However, reconciling the personal and professional benefits and the perils of an office affair is a formidable task.
Dating a coworker may seem an ideal solution for those who just don’t have the time to meet a potential partner.
When the Beatles wrote, “All you need is love à” they should have added, “and the wisdom to work through tough times, even if it means seeking professional help.” This is because counseling can be a relationship-saving resource for couples. Couples counseling is also known as marriage counseling or marriage therapy when the two people involved are married.
When Counseling Can Help
Perhaps blowups between you and your partner are occurring more regularly. Or ongoing sticky issues and irritations are causing increased tension and resentment. If you have had little success working through relationship issues, find yourselves avoiding each other, or using hostile words or actions that cause emotional or physical hurt, professional counseling may help.
Sleep or sexual problems, extreme moodiness or feelings of dissatisfaction, loneliness, sadness or failure also can be clues that something is wrong. Couples counseling can uncover the underlying issues.
There may be external factors that can add stress to your relationship, including:
- Birth or adoption of a child
- Chronic illness or disability
- Substance abuse
- Financial problems
- Career pressures
Professional counseling can help you learn coping strategies for such periods of transition or stress.
Finding a Therapist
Your local mental health association, family doctor, clergy or friends are good referral sources. Look for someone whose education
Whenever someone asks me how I met my wife, I proudly say, “Online!” But of course, I think to myself… Where else would one meet up with one’s significant other nowadays?
Actually, my attitude is probably not the norm in society. At least not yet. But before long, it wouldn’t surprise me to find that online dating has surpassed other forms of meeting one’s significant other. Why? Because it is more efficient, produces better matches (and dates!), and allows love to bloom when the silly things (such as actually having something in common) are already taken care of ahead of time.
Using online dating services are far more efficient than other methods of dating. Getting set up by friends or family is purely a hit-or-miss proposition. While well-intentioned, friends and family often don’t really know us half as well as they think they do. We don’t often share all of the intimate details of our lives, our likes, dislikes, hopes, and dreams for the future with everyone. So people can get somewhat biased ideas of what we’re like, because they only see what we’re like with them.
Office romances, while convenient, are often fraught with possible problems, danger, and role conflicts. Meeting
Is there any way to determine if a relationship is going to work? First, a relationship is not a machine in which the laws of physics determine proper operation. We have to accept (which term as rich) that there is no magic wand that guarantees the success on loving relationships. As in so many things and aspects of our lives, effort and social learning, in the broadest sense, and education that we have received from our parents (in most cases) by transmitting healthy values are the elements that will enable us to work in the exciting journey of our everyday caring relationship.
While there are no written rules to ensure a healthy love mode “if you do this, now that,” however they do exist a number of verbs that can guide us in a very good direction to the goal of a healthy relationship and satisfactory: respect, compromise, communicate and share.
Is very well speak of respect for your partner. It’s very good. But you respect yourself / a? Do you still respect your weaknesses and limitations? Do you respect your values and beliefs? Do you respect because you’re a person? Do you recognize yourself as someone unique and unrepeatable and therefore endowed with full dignity? Only from a total respect for
Much too often in life, I have come across couples or one person in a couple who complained about the significant other in their life not listening to them. These people often hear, but do not listen. And this single point is what brings about the downfall of a good portion of relationships today.
Listening skills are not automatic. We grow up communicating very differently from one another, depending on a wide range of factors, gender being just one of them. But gender is usually the easiest to focus our attention on because the generalizations made about the genders hold a grain of truth in their words for all of us. “He’d rather watch football than talk to me.” “She’d rather talk on the phone with her girlfriends than go out with me.” “He’d rather go out on a night with the ‘guys’ than go out to dinner with me.” “She’d rather go shopping than go golfing with me.” And so on… Even if not always or true, we look at these examples, and things like them, and realize, “Hey, yeah, there’s a bit of me in there.” That’s why comedians so often use gender-related material to make their jokes —
Revealing the secret world of adolescent boys and girls.
Rory’s parents had discovered that Rory was sexually active and wanted to know how to handle his request to have Jen (his girlfriend) “sleep over” when they were planning to be out of town. They decided to talk it over with someone because they had different opinions. When Rory, who was now seventeen, had posed the question, he had told his parents that he had seen me and suggested that they call me.
Waiting between sessions, I could hear Susan’s and Mike’s raised voices on the path to my office as I sat working at my desk.
“This is the door to her office.”
“No, this way, over there!”
After a few minutes of this I decided to stand at my entryway to guide them.
Mike was a tall man with the same broad shoulders as his son, the football player. He looked like he knew where he was going, but he had already passed my office and was opening the door to the toolshed. Susan was still at the very top of the path. She was on her hands and knees, admiring an English ivy pushing its way out between two rocks. I thought she
They might be 30, or 75. They come in all colors, shapes, sizes and income brackets. It doesn’t matter how long they’ve been together. Whatever the demographics, when you see a happy couple, you just know it!
How do these couples stay in love, in good times and in bad? Fortunately, the answer isn’t through luck or chance. As a result of hard work and commitment, they figure out the importance of the following relationship “musts.” Because few couples know about all of the musts, I think of them as the relationship “secrets.”
Happy Couples and Their Secrets
1. Develop a realistic view of committed relationships.
Recognize that the crazy infatuation you experienced when your romance was new won’t last. A deeper, richer relationship, and one that should still include romance, will replace it. A long-term relationship has ups and downs, and expecting it will be all sunny and roses all the time is unrealistic.
2. Work on the relationship.
An untended garden develops weeds that can ultimately kill even the heartiest plants. And so it is with relationships. It is important to address problems and misunderstandings immediately. Some people believe good relationships just happen naturally. The truth is that a good relationship, like anything